I read a hilarious post about a person who wanted to know Latin American life....

LaFoca's picture

It was posted here for your humor:


He says:

"Our family has been living in Nicaragua for about 10 years....We came to Nicaragua to experience and live the "Latin lifestyle" (as important as work is, there's always time for friends, family and fiestas) and to be a part of our community. We didn't want to live behind high walls topped by razor wire and with 24/7 security guards. And the idea of arming ourselves to defend our person and property is not a front runner as well."

And I asked myself, did this fool even KNOW what a typcial "Latin lifestyle" is? Since I can remember, every Latin American from Central America has been enthralled with the wild west lifestyle of protecting themselves with guns. We have lived forever behind "walls topped by razor wire and with 24/7 security guards," because the U.S. has created a paranoia that didn't exist within us at one time. This has been a social norm since the fifties, so I was wondering how many ignorant Americans move to Latin America with this candy-assed idea of what our culture is? And it irritated me that one who is so naive and so removed from our culture would move here with his ridiculous preconceived notions of what we live like. Because these are the same protected racist stupids that go home when things get too tough, claiming expertise on Latin American culture. They are the ones who claim they are now, "nicas" with 10 sorry-assed years of living amidst other Anglos in protected communities.

Do I want to gag, or what ?


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The simpleton's version of our "Latin lifestyle"

1. Move to a nice little socialist country and buy a house you can't afford in better tropical places or at home.

2. Make sure the house is in a protected enclave of other North American types (many of which are tax dodgers, criminals, child molesters and other sordid folks who no longer feel welcome inside the U.S. for a myriad of reasons).

3. Settle in to this community via a sequence of social gatherings, but never explain what you are running from.

4. Begin to flash money and buy a car that draws attention to you.

5. Go to nightclubs and introduce yourself to the locals.

6. Let your guard down and begin to feel safe.

5. Get robbed at knife point in a taxi or after dark in places you wouldn't go at night in the U.S.

6. Complain about the criminal element in your nice little socialist country, but don't take ownership of your own stupidity.

7. Let your guard down again after enough sufficient time after the robbery.

8. Live life paying much higher prices than the locals for everything because you flashed money or wear fancy jewelry.

9. Experience a home invasion robbery, or threats by nice little men in government uniforms who want you to pay "special taxes."

10. Pay the taxes to the nice little government men, and complain about the criminal element in your nice little socialist country, but don't take ownership of your own stupidity, or better yet, leave.

11. Buy a gun or put up an electric fence that blends into the landscape of your little zen-like tropical home on the beach.

12. Wonder why those men in those government uniforms seem to be following you more and more.

13. Wonder why the nice little government men in uniforms are raising your "special taxes" more and more.

14. Worry about running out of money or those government men who seem to be approaching you more and more.

15. Decide to leave and lose everything.

16. Reach the safety of another border and complain how awful that nice little socialist country was where you lost a fortune.

17. And there are always those who stay, keep getting ripped off, but think they have a piece of paradise. These are the few who confuse themselves for being one with the country and feel they are now entitled to give advice in forums, or regulate the new talent that arrives as ex-pats. Generally, they have found a way to rip off the new blood and learned the scam.

I can't believe that any logical person thinks they can move to Central America and not have a strong need for security. Even the middle class of these locals are conscious of their safety. They don't drive with the windows down for a reason...because that guy who washes your windows and asks for change may pull a knife on you and take your wallet. Central Americans don't go out at night for the most part for a reason...at least the decent ones. Because that is the domain of the thieves and prostitutes. Latin Americans know this. North Americans are stupid when they come to these places. I often try to tell people:

You wouldn't move to Watts or Compton or Hell's Kitchen with this type of stupidity, but you would move to a place where the average income is less than the worst poverty stricken amount in the U.S.; and you expect these people to watch you flash your fancy house and fancy car and then have the nerve to feel slighted when they rob you. And poor bastards that they are...their "Latin lifestyle" dreams are dashed, because they didn't use their brains. These people sicken me for their stupidity!

I recall a group of them that moved to Mexico, bought red-lined property on a well-known beach in Ensenada, paid cash for the $300,000+ homes there in eijido lands, being disputed in courts; and had the nerve to feel slighted when their property is expropriated and they lose everything; because they were so stupid they took this risk. These are the same idiots who demand escrow in their own countries of origin to protect their financial interests. It's a joke! Check this out...even AFTER this fiasco, people are still asking, "Can I buy eijido lands?" Sure buddy! Go for it!


there is a sucker born every minute

The way I see it, there is a cultural context in Nicaragua that cannot be understood by people in that poster's position.

Nigerians are famous for a certain type of fraud - advanced fee fraud.  It's a major component of their economy, and everything from their police, banks, western unions, internet cafes, telecom companies, etc, are all part of the same racket.  There are certain people who are attracted to this type of racket and annually I am sure they send Billions to Nigeria.

In Nicaragua, it's the "we've been exploited but actually we are good and just need a little help from our friends, and you can help us reverse the exploitation and enjoy the good life with us" racket.  The suckers who fund this racket are in general different ones than those who send Billions to Nigeria.  Some of them are young people who buy a piece of land they aren't legally allowed to own, some are older people who move there and employ confidants who systematically skim and direct others to rob the sucker, some of them are churches and NGOs who send money or goods that gets largely skimmed by some Sandinista goons and who sells the rest; some are governments who through a variety of programs just feed it right into the government funds that then go to numbered bank accounts belonging to vile criminals including Aleman and Ortega and their fellow mafioso.

As long as these ATM-like people and organizations still have money they are bringing to the countries, the scammers on the other end of the line will allow the spenders to believe whatever they want.  One good local guy protecting the rich white guy from the locals?  Yeah right.  10 years, 1 year, 20 years, it doesn't matter: as long as they have the funds to continue "paying" the Nicaraguans, the Nicaraguans will allow them to believe they are the good white guys who are rescuing them from what the bad white guys previously did, but now it is all el pueblo unido and the white guy is actually ok and welcome no matter his race or funds.  That's the exchange.  But when the white guy runs out of money or threatens to leave or expose the racket, that's breach of contract@!  They will receive a quick warning and leave the country.

It's like prostitution, but instead of selling their body for sex, the Nicaraguans are selling their dignity and spirit of self-reliance, in exchange for money.  And instead of sexual gratification, what the foreigners get is a martyr-like savior experience.  They're in a symbiotic addictive pattern facilitated by the foreigner's savings.

HIlarious stupidity, no?

People never cease to amaze me. Can you believe the idiot lived there for 10 years like that?

some gems in there for sure

But isn't Nicaragua the 2nd safest country in the hemisphere?  You mean you can't just relax in the Latin lifestyle getting refills on bottomless margaritas during the siesta by saying "Garçon" or whatever it is you're supposed to say?

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